I was watching the Kardashians the other day.. I find them truly fascinating. What amazed me the most was that Kim (pre-Kanye) was in this episode expressing how she had fallen out of love with her husband (sports player can't remember his name).
She wasn't interested anymore. DIDN'T WANT TO SPEND TIME with him and didnt know what to do. Wasnt feeling the LOVE..
It had me asking the question - How many of us know that there are 8 STEPS TO BECOMING US?
I know I DIDN'T KNOW (and it seems Kim didn't)
Yes you read it right.. they have researched and there are 8 separate phases between 2 people meeting as single people and uniting to become a family.
To keep it simple lets just look at 3 of them.
Coming Together, Growing Apart, Growing Together.
The COMING TOGETHER bit is dead simple. Two people meet, there's attraction, sparks fly and BAM they Come Together.
The next bit is more complicated. After the honeymoon (this can last a year or more depending on circumstances), the once inseparable couple start to rediscover themselves, start to want to hang out with their friends more and they GROW APART.
The next bit is the tricky bit. Growing Together is the phase when 'I' becomes 'We'. MY STUFF becomes OUR STUFF and their is lots of communication and negotiation around what is BEST FOR THE COUPLE OR FAMILY.
What commonly happens in cases like Kim Kardashian's and many others is that they don't realise that Growing Together is A CHOICE and it requires WORK. Physical attraction and the honeymoon phase won't last forever and there is much work to do.
After the rush of attraction wears off (it's a hormone called oxytoxin which peaks in the early days of your relationship) YOU WILL HAVE TO DO SOME WORK to maintain the love in your relationship.
Some people claim to be addicted to love. I think that really they are addicted to the oxytocin high. They move from one relationship to the next, not realising that falling in love is not enough. It takes work to maintain.
IF A WOMAN BECOMES PREGNANT during the Coming Together or Growing Apart phase can you guess what happens?
Yep they are FAST-TRACKED to the Growing Together stage.. but what if they don't yet want to Grow Together? This is where conflict happens. Quite often parents who have not done their Becoming Us homework, waste too much time at RELATIONSHIP GROUND ZERO.
Spending too much time delivering ultimatums and giving the silent treatment, trying to get the upper hand.
WHAT IF THERE WAS A BETTER WAY.. what if we could consciously move through the stages to Become Us.
What if we all had the Secrets Of Building A Relationship - where conflict was rare and easily resolved. Where each partner felt loved and heard. Where winning the fight wasn't anywhere near as important as how it was fought!
Thats where Becoming Us comes in. It provides you with the tools, the research and support to rediscover the person you fell in love with. Work together with your partner to create a new normal.
So, if you don't want to sit there wondering how your relationship will be after baby, if you want to create a family that thrives (before your birth), let's talk.
I'm offering a complimentary Becoming Us sessions for those women who are ready to babyproof their relationship.